This is an open post to my friend, Rogier.
Right now, I am waiting for my nail polish to dry, having a glass of champagne, packing for Vegas. It is always at moments like these I think of you, Rogier, and wonder where you are.
I would text you, but my phone is dead.
I wanted to tell you how much I love your Kenny posts. For whatever reason, they speak to me. Much of your work, no matter how trivial, speaks to me. Being a Rogier is probably hard work, because much like myself, you’re always set to amuse other people. And that gets old.
But I digress.
Lately, I’ve had the opportunity to play a lot of board games with couples. While there is a distinct part of me that screams NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING FUCKING CATCHPHRASE GO OUT AND DRESS SLUTTY AND SNORT COCAINE I am aware of the fact I am 28, my hangovers are horrible, I can’t do the shit I could when I was 19, and like, one day my uterus might have a fucking BABY in it, a fucking HUMAN BEING growing inside me and sucking out my goddamn nutrients like it owns me, and like I can’t fucking rage forever, sometimes you have to bond and shit with other people who have similar thoughts (assumptive). My point to telling you about said board games is usually the games are split up into ‘battles of the sexes’, and basically every single time this happens, the men win. And I lose my shit, because the men don’t win because they’re smarter; the women lose because they’re STUPIDER. And it forces me to see that most women, while they can be funny or witty or “on top of things” in the news or current events or whatever, are fucking STUPID. They can’t pay attention to the rules of board games; they can’t figure out how to win them; and they cry “unfair!” when they lose them, because they’re stupid.
My last experience was with 4 women, counting myself; 3 were college graduates. One has a Masters. 3 out of 4 speak multiple languages. There was one white chick (me), two Pacific Islanders, and a Nigerian. The only thing we all have is common is our boyfriends are all friends. And still, these bitches couldn’t win a fucking game meant for kids over 12.
It gets me to thinking, Rogier. It gets me to thinking what kind of broads you and the rest of America have to put up with as your “potential partners”. I meet a lot of intelligent, cultured women. Women with education. Women with impressive backgrounds. With accomplishments. But still, there is always something lacking. A sense of humor, per se. A sense of humility. A sense of grace. Beauty. No woman has the entire package. Actually, let me rephrase that. With the exception of a handful of my friends, I have not met a woman that I would “recommend” to a manfriend of mine. There is always some crucial element lacking.
The average woman that I think of having the most desirable qualities is, indeed, the woman who reminds me the most of a man.
These notions have led me back to the drawing board; to researching evolution and the sexes; gender roles and philosophy. Perhaps it is my own blindness which has led me in search of something that in all likelihood, doesn’t exist. Maybe I judge too harshly because without the glow of sexuality to diffuse one’s view, I see too much. Those of the same gender compete against one another, after all. But if what I have seen is what is available, no wonder you’re still single and hang out mostly with myself and a gorgeous lesbian.
That’s all.
-Sterner
