January 2011
9 posts
Marriage material
Hung out with a chick last night who then blogged about our evening. Ladies: when you come to Rogier’s house, we are going to be spending some time checking out the youtube videos of one Kenneth Donald Rogers. That’s just the way it’s going to be— I need approximately 20 minutes of Kenny’s husky baritone before foreplay to sustain an erection.
If I see mating...
What now, she says
We go out a couple times. We make out, maybe we bone. Or maybe we don’t, and I just never call you. Or maybe we do, and then we get married and move slightly out of town to some place where people of modest means can get a pretty big yard, and we get a goat, but the fucking thing is too loud and keeps chewing through the fence- they are surprisingly clever animals. Maybe it actually figures...
Go lose your virginity at a whorehouse
Do it tonight. Forget about it being something “special.” You have been a virgin for 35 years- no matter what you do it is going to be “special.”
Think of your virginity as a cancerous growth on your face. It pops up at puberty, and at 13 it’s cute, like a beauty mark. But it slowly grows. By 17 it’s starting to look a little weird and people that still have it...
Girls who like getting fake raped
I have a friend who has a rape buddy. She texts him with a few hours notice, and at some point that night he comes over, fakes breaking into her house, and fake rapes her. Knowing her she probably screams her fool head off and is completely committed to yelling “no” and “stop” and fighting back, etc., and basically— like, I bet she did not arrange with him to...
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Sterner to Rogier's "Dark Times"
This is an open post to my friend, Rogier.
Right now, I am waiting for my nail polish to dry, having a glass of champagne, packing for Vegas. It is always at moments like these I think of you, Rogier, and wonder where you are.
I would text you, but my phone is dead.
I wanted to tell you how much I love your Kenny posts. For whatever reason, they speak to me. Much of your work, no matter how...
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You can take your Facebook and fuck yourself with...
Sterner here.
I’ve been Facebook-less for about 3 weeks and my life is exponentially better. Because so many fucking people are confused about how it is I can live without Facebook and WHY I WOULD WANT TO, I’m going to detail my reasons right here, right now.
You can get a beer, if you want.
First, we’re going to go back. Way back to the fucking beginning of social networking...
Another reason why I love Kenny Rogers
In the 90’s, Kenny got busted for having phone sex with his three mistresses, when his marriage was falling apart. The way it worked was KENNY SET UP A FUCKING 800 NUMBER FOR THEM and when they called, they would hear a recording of Kenny describing sex fantasies. Stuff like: “He’s a big guy, six foot three maybe, but a great body… . He’s been in the sun, you can...
Love Will Turn You Around
Not gonna lie, Sterner. These are dark times. The thing that bugs me the most is that I’m never going to find a nice girl. It’s partly because, well- there are a shitload of reasons, but the only one coming from me is that I’m now a machine geared toward getting unprotected sex as fast as possible.
And this definitely does fuck with you. “One becomes as capable of love as an old slag,” as a...
