As always, your advice is motherfucking perfect.
Sterner on Rogier's "The Future Wife" or;...
These are excellent questions, Rogier. Not everyone you meet and date will instantly set off “fireworks” for you, mentally or physically. Many of the best people I know were initially standoffish, or shy, or awkward, or any other combination of “undesirable” elements. This leads into my theory that all people fit into two categories: they are either diamonds or...
The future wife
Here’s what happened. As you know, Sterner, I despair of ever finding a mate and hate & resent that you have a live-in boyfriend. In fact I hate and resent anyone who can find a relationship. Anyway, I was driving home Thursday night and despairing about this. I actually resorted to prayer. I said, please, God, let me meet my future wife. And I had this kind of premonition that...
God damn do I want a Pop Tart
Frosted Raspberry. They never have those anymore— the Pop Tart shelf is cluttered with cinnamon and fudge abominations, and glittery drag queen children’s trifles whored up with lurid florescent goo. Oftentimes the only fruit flavor is the Robitussin-tasting Cherry. What happened to our society, Sterner? Frosted Raspberry was the BEST ONE! But our fat, hideous children prefer the...
Nobody like a fake rich asshole
Well, or a real rich asshole, either, but fake rich people annoy me the most. I just posted a link to an article on my personal blog about SCIENCE PROVING PEOPLE DON’T LIKE THOSE WHO ARE MATERIALISTIC. Well no shit, science! Even materialistic people don’t like OTHER materialistic people, for two reasons: 1. Nobody wants to hear about the shit you own, are going to own, or want to...
Reason # 8,745 I like Rogier
I have this ex-boyfriend I have a love/hate thing going on with. Now, as all 2 of you know, I am happily fake married to Mr. Sterner currently, but you know those exes who you’re strangely still attracted to? The ones where your breakup was so long, so drawn out, so painful (usually just for you) that you just can’t seem to get the taste out of your mouth? Well that is this one guy. ...
I want to start a band
called “C.C.H. Pounder versus S. Epatha Merkerson.” I’m leaving Lynne Thigpen out of it because she’s dead.